It is Tuesday and I want to Complain.

I have been up and down emotionally lately (typical woman, amrite), going from having a general sense of well being, to being incredibly despondent and sighing a lot.  ::SIGH::  Things aren’t all together terrible, but one of my favorite activities, right after judging people, is complaining. I miss the days when my best friend Bridget and I would go out to a bar only to complain about being at said bar and make fun of all the poorly dressed, misguided young girls there.  Good times. Buh.

Tuesdays are always the worst days of the week.  Mondays get a bad rap from Garfield, but they’re really not all that bad.  You are still groggy from Sunday Funday, and can reminisce about all the kick ass times you had over the weekend.  Tuesday is when shit gets real, and it drags and drags and drags.  Tuesdays are the equivalent of going to the post office AND waiting around for the cable guy to come.  Not to mention there is never anything good on TV on Tuesday nights. Lately, every day has seemed like a Tuesday.  People keep telling me I look tired, which is probably one of the worst things anyone can say to a woman.  I DON’T KNOW HOW TO APPLY CONCEALER PROPERLY, OKAY. I also don’t own concealer.  These dark circles under my eyes give me character.

Now, on to the true grumbling.  My house is disgusting.  It is as if we have been struck down by the Plagues of Austin. We have fleas, we have roaches, and for a while I thought I was living the Amityville Horror because of all the goddamned flies.  We have tried combating these pests, we used a natural flea powder that left our house smelling like Gold Bond for three days, we treated the dog and cat, and we vacuum constantly (that’s an exaggeration), all to little relief.  The fleas actually aren’t THAT bad, I have been to people’s houses where you look down and you have about fifty fleas on your ankles.  At my house it is just a minor annoyance, only one or two venturesome pests will bother trying to get up on you, the rest take residency on the cat .  Now, let’s talk about the roaches.  I keep my kitchen clean, but these little bastards have taken up residency in our dishwasher. D: My google research tells me that I’m shit out of luck and have to call the exterminator.  If I could find an exterminator that accepts payment in puns or awkward dance moves, that would be ideal, because we don’t have the money for that sort of extravagance.

Speaking of extravagances, this brings me to the thing that depresses me most about my house–the utterly foul dog piss stained carpet.  My dog Dignan, well, he’s not long for this world.  He has diabetes and is constantly having accidents on the carpet.  I HATE CARPET.  We hesitated buying this house because of it, but Chad said he would pull up the carpet and stain the concrete.  Over a year later one room has been stripped of the shit and there is just dust everywhere from an unfinished project. ::SIGH::  Really, there is really nothing worse than coming home from work, opening your front door and having the pungent smell of dog pee waft into your nostrils.  My carpet looks like the most depressing Jackson Pollock painting ever created.  I had a little hand held Bissell but it puttered out because I had to use it so much.  Again, carpet cleaning is something we can’t afford right now.  Poor army crawling Truman has to be contained to certain areas of the house because I can’t stand to see him dragging himself over the filthy floor.  WOEEEEEE IS ME.

God, I was going to bitch and moan some more, about being creatively unfulfilled of all things (LAME), but lamenting over my nasty house made me feel both worse and better at the same time.  I just had to write it out bro. On a less whiny note, I had a nice Mother’s Day.  Chad bought me the new Rufus Wainwright album, which I love, and have listened to back to back exclusively since I received it, and he bought me a pair of yellow striped shoes.  Chad is special, because this is not the first time he has purchased me shoes, and he is always successful.  He is a brave and wise man. My nieces and nephew served me steak and chocolate cake and made me feel special on my first official Mother’s Day.

Here we are looking precious on Mother’s Day. Photo courtesy of Aunt Amanda.

This weekend my parents  are coming to visit, and HALLELUJAH they are bringing their upright deep carpet cleaner with them.  Things are looking up!  I know, I know, if my biggest problems are dirty carpets and being creatively unfulfilled ::rolls eyes::. then my life is pretty cherry.  But I love to complain, please don’t strip me of that one joy.

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9 thoughts on “It is Tuesday and I want to Complain.

  1. Lauren says:

    Thank you, thank you for complaining! This Tuesday is giving me the blues too, and you have made me feel better. Also, about those god damned fleas…… we are ALL having the same problem; Texas summer!

  2. Emily O says:

    I always enjoy a good rant!

    Oh and idk if this would work for you, but Abby and I miraculously got rid of our fleas. I had almost given up after all the $$ I spent on the natural route, then the hardcore poison shampoo route, and regretfully, we tried the cheap toxic sludge on the neck route – none of which worked for more than 24hrs. Desperately, we tried the neurotoxic/carcinogenic pesticide spray route (wouldn’t recommend this with a baby or people or animals living in the house).

    Finally, I spent about $60 on some Advantage II from Wally-World, and after 3 weeks of applying the stuff 1x per wk (the most often recommended by the manufacturer), Abby and I are flea free for 1 month, so far. I plan on applying it every month to avoid this situation in the future. I haven’t had any jump on me, and I haven’t seen not one crawling around on her little tummy or irritating the sweet spot on her back.
    Just the thought of being flea free for this long makes my day!!

  3. kolleenbee says:

    Tuesdays are for assholes. Fuck Tuesday right in the ear.

    Look at it this way, though– you have better S&P shakers than me, so that is something 😀

  4. Katie says:

    I totally feel your pain. I’ve spent most of this week scrubbing pee stains out of our floor. I feel like I can’t get the stink out! And yeah we’ve had more bugs around the house too. The other night a roach crawled onto my pillow and grossed me the fuck out. Then I couldn’t fall asleep because I kept imagining giant roaches crawling into Zelda’s crib.

  5. kolleenbee says:

    oh by the way, the trick to concealer is to remember to put it on the side of the bridge of your nose, where the corner of your eyes are. darkness hides in there, y’all

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