My Patented Closet Organizing System 3000

Are you an imbecile who likes to make life as difficult and complicated as possible?

Do you ever look in the mirror and say, “I sure do wish I could be more irritated with myself!”?

Do you enjoy arriving late for work or social functions looking frazzled and disheveled?

Then you need to follow Letty’s Personal Closet Organizing System, Version 3.0!

With my five point system, you can be beating your head against the wall in no time!

  • Step One:  Buy a  ton of eighties and nineties clothes from eBay, make sure they won’t fit you in a couple of years but are awesome enough that you will never want to get rid of them.  Bonus points if they are vintage concert t-shirts, but only for bands that you actually enjoy, DON’T FRONT.
  • Step Two:  Throw all of your clothes in pile on the floor of your closet.  Make a pathetic attempt to hang up a few items, but over several weeks wear the clothes from the hangers then add them to the pile, regardless of their cleanliness.
  •  Step Three: Ensure that your winter and summer clothes are all mixed up, so that when you are looking for a pair of jorts, you instead pull out 4 different sweatshirts with wildlife printed on them.
If you have them, toss in some maternity clothes.  It’s hilarious when your maternity jeans get tangled up with a pair that used to fit you three years ago.  Talk about contrasts! Try to make sure that the black cardigan you wear at least twice a week somehow gets lost in the vortex of clothing, so that when you’re ready to leave it will be nearly impossible to find.   This is also a great way to keep your loved ones waiting.  They love that!
  • Step Four: Take all of your shoes and throw them into a cardboard box and shove it in the dark recesses of your closet.  Put your practical shoes in the bottom of the box, and throw your various colored pumps, and paisley print Doc Martens on top.  Digging for shoes in the dark is fun!
  • Step Five: Buy more clothes.  Go to Forever 21, Old Navy, or Target and buy some cheap, trendy clothes.  If you don’t want to leave the house, order some from Delia*s as if you were still a fifteen-year-old girl.  Throw those clothes in the pile.  Of course you don’t have to don’t have to take off the tags first, you can do that later!

With my handy five point system, you can have your closet looking just like mine in no time:

Trapped in a Closet or DON’T JUDGE ME

Call today! No really, please call me.  I just changed my ringtone to the theme song from Taxi and I would love to hear that funky groove.

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12 thoughts on “My Patented Closet Organizing System 3000

  1. Candice says:

    Girl, this is intense. Might be time to take some bags of clothes to Goodwill.

  2. kolleenbee says:

    My room looks JUST LIKE THAT. Except that instead of the closet, all my clothes are at the foot of the bed.

  3. This is disgusting. You are a disgusting, shameful beast but you make me feel much much better about myself and I love you very much for that. And I guess for other reasons too, but really, SICKENING.

  4. Okay, I am on my way.

  5. […] familiar with the horror that is my closet, allow me to remind you and have you dip a  toe into my self made hell.  I am going for it! I am cleaning out my closet, getting rid of anything I haven’t worn in […]

  6. […] My Patented Closet Organizing System 3000: My closet still looks like this, but at least now all of the clothes are clean. […]

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