My disdain for Katy Perry is well documented. Save for a couple of songs, I’d rather listen to someone chew with their mouth open all day than listen to her crappy music. Perhaps my least favorite Katy Perry song, other than the insufferable Firework, is Last Friday Night (TGIF). What disconcerts me most about this song is that it is about getting black out drunk, maybe date raped, and LITTLE GIRLS ARE CONSTANTLY SINGING IT. Call me crotchety, but I prefer not to have my kiddos singing about ménage à trois, at least not until they’re 13. God, don’t even mention that she has a movie coming out targeted towards kids. It will make steam pour out my ears like a cartoon character. But, I started thinking about it , and I remembered some of the terribly inappropriate songs that I would sing when I was a little girl. I lost some resolve and slowly started to remove the stick out of my ass (isn’t that a great mental image?), but I still hate Katy Perry. Here are a few of my favorite naughty songs from my youth:
Sweat- Inner Circle
I used to ride around my neighborhood on my bike singing this song at the top of my lungs. “AND IF YOU CRYYYY OUT, I’M GONNA PUSH IT, PUSH IT, PUSH IT, PUSH IT SOME MORRRRRRE.” Looking back, it explains why I wasn’t invited to any family barbecues.
She-Bop- Cyndi Lauper
My sisters bought the 45 of this song when I was really little and I used to play it constantly. Lauper, you dirty little minx! On the wiki for this song, it says that she wanted little kids to think this song was about dancing, and not know the real meaning until they got older. Her nefarious plan worked, because I didn’t know it was about masturbation until I was in my twenties. There is a ten year difference between my middle sister and I, so they probably snickered every time they heard me play it.
I Want to Sex You Up- Color Me Badd
~~MEMORIES (mammaries)~~ There are so many other inappropriate songs, including the necessary “Me So Horny”, that I can’t possibly name them all. What are you favorites?