Today I am grouchy and the only thing that will bring me out of my funk (my fingers automatically typed fuck instead of funk btw) is talking about studly studs. There have been handsome men through out history and there have been of STUDS. These studs primarily thrived in the late 70’s-early 90’s. They are known to have extremely hairy arms, questionable hairlines, and the ability to rock a pair of khakis like no other. I have compiled a list of the Five Studliest Studs to Ever be Studs (in no particular order) for your 80’s masturbatory pleasure. If anyone accuses me of having a thing for dads, you may be right. Everyone, get ready to salivate.
1. Craig T. Nelson
Now, what can I say about Craig T. Nelson that hasn’t already been said. His face is like a smoldering piece of coal, enticing you to touch it. I first fell in love with Coach when I saw him in the movie Troop Beverly Hills. His ill fitting linen suit made my tiny six year old heart pitter patter beneath my Rainbow Brite nightgown.
Other dreamy Nelson highlights include, Poltergeist, and of course ~COACH~ It is rumored that Shelly Fabares changed the lyrics of her famous song, “Johnny Angel” to “Craig T. Angel”. Well, okay, I made that up, but she totally should have. It’s not too late.
2. Tom Skerrit
OHHHHHHHHH TOM SKERRIT. You can picket my fences anytime. (Yeah I don’t know what that means either.) Guys, I would give anything to feel Mr. Skerrit’s fuzzy arms wrapped around me. His hirsute arms were on full display in the Academy Award nominated film, The Parent Trap 2, and that’s when I fell in LUV. I was so jealous of Ms. Bliss for getting to romance him. She didn’t deserve to stare into his sparkly eyes and magic mustache. I kinda lost interest in Mr. Skerrit for a spell because he skeeved me out so much in the movie, Poison Ivy. ::SIGH:: Drew Barrymore never had it so good. But much like the phoenix, my love for him rose from the ashes and burns like the brightest star in the sky.
3. Mark Harmon
Now, I don’t really want to pick favorites here, but Mark Harmon is AN ANGEL AMONG MEN. This man is super human. He played quarterback for UCLA, he is married to Mindy from Mork & Mindy (a worthy companion), and he once saved some teenagers from a burning car. I want to build a nest in his chest hair and live there forever. One of my favorite Harmon roles, other than his star turn in Summer School, was his portrayal of serial killer Ted Bundy in the made for TV movie, ~~The Deliberate Stranger~~ (available on VHS.) Creepy and handsome– Mark Harmon is the perfect man. Now, let’s all watch Mr. Harmon school Lorenzo Lamas on Battle of the Network Stars. Oh, and if anyone wants to get me a Christmas present, here you go.
4. Scott Bakula
Great Scott–BAKULA! I think it’s safe to say that Dr. Sam Beckett is the most fetching time traveler that has ever existed. Let me double check with Ziggy–yes, it have been verified, he is delectable. OH BOY. I would hit it even when he’s dressed as a woman, or preferably when he’s dressed as a woman.
Hopefully his next leap, will be the leap into my arms. Did y’all know he sings? HE SINGS.
<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/19174318″>Scott Bakula sings Imagine – Full Scene from Quantum Leap</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user5839517″>GliGermany</a> on <a href=”http://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p>
5. Tom Selleck
Dimples+eyes+mustache=MAGIC. One of the biggest regrets of mine and Chad’s marriage is that while on vacation in Las Vegas, we did not purchase a velvet painting of Tom Selleck that was for sale in our hotel’s lobby. It was only $40 but we waffled on purchasing it and at the time decided against it. After tossing and turning all night, it turns out we could not resist the painting’s magnetic pull, and we went to purchase it the next day, only to find it had been sold. We both dropped to our knees and wept openly, asking why the gods had forsaken us. This was almost ten years ago, and to this day we still lament our terrible decision. There is a cloud over our relationship that only a velvet painting of Tom Selleck could dispel. If the Tom Selleck painting lived in our house, who knows, we might have way more than just one child. Tom Selleck is a fertility god.
Now, there are several more studs that should receive an honorable mention, including: Dennis Quaid, Kurt Russell, Bill Pullman (for khakis alone), Ted Danson, and Burt Reynolds (He reminds me a bit too much of my dad, and while I am obviously into dads, I am not into MY dad.) I am pretty sure I am forgetting people, but my head is clouded with so much studliness I can write no more. Let me know who you think is a stud and as a stud expert, I will say yay or nay. HOOOOOOORAY STUDS!