Today I am supposed to discuss something difficult about my “lot in life” and how I am working to overcome it. Now, I don’t want to sound too much like Joe Walsh, but life’s been good to me so far. Really, the only adversity that I’ve had to face is being short and not being able to reach the things I want in the supermarket. This is especially perilous in the yogurt section where I have to stand on the ledge and am in danger of knocking several yogurt containers to the ground with my bosoms. The worst part about this is, NO ONE WILL HELP ME. They see me struggling, and they just walk on by. Help a height deficient girl out, will ya?
Anyway, so I’ve lived a semi-charmed kind of life thus far (knock on wood), so I am going to talk about some temporary difficulties that have been plaguing me as of late. I have a raging ear infection in my left ear and it is KILLING ME. I can’t hear out that ear, so I am constantly going “WHAAA” or “Speak up, child” or my favorite, “Do what now?!”
Seriously though, this ear infection has been a nightmare. It is so fucking painful, and I had a natural childbirth. The whole left side of my face is throbbing, all the way down my neck to my collarbone. It makes it incredibly difficult to be cordial, which isn’t my strong suit in any case. For some reason (my husband), I put off going to the doctor because I figured it would just get better. But no, no, that’s not the way infections work, stupid. They just get worse, and more painful the longer you wait. DUH. Last night my ear hurt so much that I couldn’t sleep and I had to watch the Wendy Williams Show in the middle of the night, which is terrible in itself. “How you doin’?” Horribly Wendy, I am doing horribly, thank you.
Okay, so on top of my incredibly painful ear infection. MY INTERNET DOESN’T WORK. Why am I being punished so? Has all of my shade throwing finally come back to me ten fold? Someone was supposed to come and fix it yesterday, but they didn’t come, and in my current state I couldn’t be bothered to call AT&T and have an argument with their automated system. If you ever want to see me apoplectic with anger, make me use an automated system. I have cried tears of frustration from using an automated system. JUST LET ME SPEAK TO A PERSON, GODDAMMIT. Not having the internet at home is a HUGE deal for me, because that’s how I watch TV, and that’s what sets us apart from the apes. Right now, I am no better than an ape, staring at the wall with my finger in my ear. I have to write these blog posts at work, which is difficult because I can’t hear, so I can’t hear my boss’s petite feet as she walks up behind me.
So, that’s where I am in life. I feel a little better now, because complaining is one my favorite hobbies. But If you see me, and I look extra grumpy, offer to take me to get some frozen yogurt or something. You only live once, FROYO!