Yes, that’s right. Board Games are a lost art! Board games, more like BORED games, amirite?! When I was a wee child, not yet knee high to a door mouse, board games were a thing of great beauty. Now they are as entertaining as a pile of turds. Okay, that’s not true. There are still a lot of good board games, but the blog prompt was to rant about something, to get up on my soapbox and say how I REALLY feel. Well, shit. If you know anything about me, you know that everything bothers me. So, how was I supposed to choose just one thing to vomit my opinion all over? I tried to think of the most trivial things that bothered me, and I decided between either people who act like they are too good to eat at chain restaurants (hello, Olive Garden is delicious, and Red Lobster–cheddar bay biscuits, get into my mouth right now.), or that there isn’t any cool as fuck board games anymore.
After seeing a picture of Kolleen with crimped hair made me want to play Mall Madness, I decided to go with board games. Really, it is just an excuse to talk about rad board games. Mall Madness, Ask Zandar, Dream Phone, Party Mania, Girl Talk–those games were the shit! Why don’t they make awesome games like that anymore? I happen to have two versions of Girl Talk at my house, replete with zit stickers if anyone wants to come over for a slumber party. Last time I played Girl Talk with people it was on a Thanksgiving and we got bored half way through and decided to change the game to Woman Talk. Woman Talk just consisted of us putting dares in a hat. I don’t remember much, but I do recall that lots of gin was consumed and I spent the majority of the time in my bra. Woman Talk is so risque!
I’ll tell ya one thing, board games definitely don’t have cool commercials anymore. Just take a look at these gems:
God, this game caused me so much anxiety. What’s more fun than having a panic attack when you’re 7?
Also, game these days don’t require a ridiculous amount of part and set up. Do you remember Mouse Trap or Don’t Wake Daddy? Half of the fun was setting up the game. Actually, all of the fun was setting up the game, because they weren’t actually all that much fun to play. I had Grape Escape, and that game had a shit ton of plastic parts, and involved playdoh, which I just smashed into the carpet.
Ah yes, nostalgia. There are still good board games around, and I am GREAT at all of them. Seriously, I challenge anyone to beat me at Balderdash or Scattergories. But, I just miss the epic games of yore. At least you can still buy Guesstures. It’s basically just charades, but you can use the clapboard that comes with it to make fake movies with your friends! All this talk about board games just made me want to get drunk and play games with my friends. I think I made my weekend plans! Well, the getting drunk part at least.