To Sum it All Up, I am a Terrible Person.

Okay Okay, so I am woefully behind on the Blog Every Day in May Challenge.  But y’all are just going to have to deal with it.  It is not my fault I have a lively and active social life.  Plus, we bought a drum set on Friday, and shittily playing the drums can be a real time suck.  A word of advice for beginner drummers, don’t listen to The Police and try to play along, you will get very discouraged.  Stewart Copeland, I KNOW YOU READ THIS BLOG, I just wanted to say that you are such a stud.  You deserve a pat on the back! Today I give you Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday’s posts all wrapped up in a crap burrito. I will do Tuesday-Thursday  tomorrow.  Let’s get this shit on.

Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits:

RIGHT ON. Now, this is a writing prompt  I can really sink my teeth into.  It combines my two favorite things, talking about myself and being negative.  SLAM DUNK!   I was so excited that I actually started writing this on Friday, but fell into a fit of idleness and never crawled back out.  I have a lot of terrible traits, some that I am well aware of and encourage, and some that I am probably blind to.  I was half tempted to make a Facebook post, “Name my top three worst traits, GO!”, but in the end of thought better of it.

Let’s see, we all know I’m conceited, and I am judging you right now as you read this. So other than those two deficiencies, I think my top three worst traits are that I am argumentative, a-know-it all, and habitually tardy.  Those are all the makings of a PRETTY shitty person, so yeah, I am the best.  Being a know-it-all and being argumentative pretty much go hand in hand, and makes you THE LIFE OF THE PARTY.  I mean, who doesn’t love the girl who won’t shut up about how Super Mario Bros. 2 is the jankiest of the series.    I JUST HAVE A LOT OF OPINIONS, OKAY.  And, well, I like to run my mouth.  Deal with it.  As for my tardiness, it is my pleasure to quote the great Toto, “Love isn’t always on time.”

Day 25, Saturday: Something someone told you about yourself that you’ll never forget (good or bad)

One time after a performance of a play, this little boy walked up to me and said, “You’re pretty than my mom!”, which is probably the best compliment I will ever receive in my life.

Day 26, Sunday: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you’d like.

This is nothing new, but David Thorne always kills me.  He is funniest ever.  I can read his work over and over and die laughing every single time.  I will never be as funny and it makes me want to slam my fingers a car door.

Day 27, Monday: A letter to your readers

Dear Readers,

I am having the BEST time at summer camp.  All the kids are really cool, and I am getting really good at archery!  Me and this other girl in my bunk made a bet with each other as to which one of us would lose our virginity first.  Cross your fingers it’s me!!  When I come back to school in August I really want to carry the air of sophistication that one can only acquire from having awkward sex on a damp blanket in the woods.  Tomorrow night we are having a camp social and I’ve been praying every night that Nicky Thomason asks me to dance.  He looks so good in his jams and his Tony Hawk haircut is the RADDEST.  Though I am having fun, Readers, I really miss you!  You are my best friend Readers, and I will always love you.  These next few weeks are going to seem like an eternity without you! But I’m sure some bug juice will help me get through the pain.  I have to go, it’s time for arts and farts and crafts, and we are making macrame pot holders today!  I will see you soon Readers, don’t forget about me!  READERS+LETTY=VBFFF!



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