Tag Archives: goals

Grabbing 2014 by the Balls


2013 was mad chill.  In that it was pretty uneventful, I THINK.  I don’t know, I can’t recall any major events.  Which I think is a good thing, that means everything was easy cheesy.  No drama, trauma, or baby mommas. No bad, sad, or angry lads. (I received a rhyming dictionary for Christmas.)  2013 gave me exactly what I could have wanted, friends, fun, and family.  Isn’t that what everyone wants?  Sure, there were peppers of excitement throughout the year, but nothing worth re-mentioning.  Let’s look forward now, it is a new year tomorrow, 2014! Today is the first day of the rest of your strife!

Let’s see, 2014.  All right. Already it doesn’t resonate with me as much as 2013.  It’s the 13 that I am going to miss, really.  I like prime numbers.  We will leave it dorkily at that.  At least we can all take comfort that when you break down 14, 1+4=5.  It’s the Law of Fives!

photo courtesy of http://www.poee.org. Hail Eris!

So, perhaps 2014 will be an exciting year after all.  I am going to turbo bomb the shit out of 2014.  I am not sure exactly what that means, but it sounds vaguely kick ass.  We are always so deludedly hopeful at the beginning of a new year.  We make goals!  If you are an NFL kicker, as many of my readers are, and in the playoffs, you make field goals!  But y’all, goals are stupid.  Don’t make goals, make PLANS.  Because then later in the year, when people ask you if you’ve followed through with whatever lame thing you’ve set for yourself, you can yell, “I’M PLANNING ON IT.”  Plan can be used as a verb, goal can not.

Regardless of that previous paragraph,  I will share my plans and inspiration for this year.  I plan on writing more.  I know, I say that shit all the time, but this time maybe I will have some goddamn follow through.  Kolleen and I are going to revive Thirtysometeen! We will write words about dumb things!  I plan on actually performing with one or all of the many bands that have loosely created.  It has been well over a year since I’ve sang with a band for an audience, and that is a true travesty. A talent such as mine should not be hidden from the world.  I plan on maintaining my trim figure, because I worked hard last year, and the compliments, in addition to fitting into old clothes, are awesome. Plus, exercising is oddly satisfying. Who would have thought?  I have lots of other plans of course. They include painting, getting better at playing the drums, continuing to help Truman become the coolest kid ever, and all sorts of other mess. There is no need to list them all here.  I have a whole year to get shit done!

Now I will share with you three things that will serve as inspiration to me throughout the new year.  2014 YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET BEAT LIKE A MAN BOXING A KANGAROO!

Bob Seger recording “Little Drummer Boy” is hands down the most intense thing that I have ever watched. Skip to :43 for the goods.  May I tackle everything with such fire and aplomb!

VASQUEZ!  One time at kickball, before the game, there was a softball team practicing on the field.  There was a woman in charge, and she looked just like me, except more commanding and with bigger muscles.  She was awesome.  She was Prison Letty.  Vasquez is Space Prison Letty.

Dolph Lundgren on a water ski.  ‘Nuff said.

With that, I wish you all a very happy and prosperous new year!  May your life be as chill as mine.

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JANUARY IS DEAD.


It is fucking February already, one month of 2013 has already come and gone.  January was an uneventful month, really.  I tried to be proactive as it is a new year, and you’re supposed to set goals, and blah de blah de blah, and pttttttth, etc, but I didn’t TRY try.  I can’t even commit to growing my hair out, what makes you think I can commit to anything productive and useful?

I did make a little bit of headway on Thirtysometeen. I bought the domain y’all! Plus I set up a facebook page, which you can go like here, if you are so inclined.  Now all I have to do is write!  That’s easy, right?  RIGHT, WRITE, RIGHT?!?!  RIIIIIIGHT. ::eyes roll into back of head::

I guess I have set some very loose goals.  One of them was to finally get my fuckfest of a closet together.  If you are not familiar with the horror that is my closet, allow me to remind you and have you dip a  toe into my self made hell.  I am going for it! I am cleaning out my closet, getting rid of anything I haven’t worn in the past two years, vintage or not, and hosting a clothing swap with some of  my ~lady friends~.  Get rid of clothes, get drunk, gain your friend’s castoffs, it’s a solid plan.  We’re donating all leftover clothing to SafePlace, YEAH!

January wasn’t a complete bust though.  Music Learning Club started up again, and we have been playing the smoothest of smooth rock.  We’ve combed through the Dad Rock catalog and we are mastering all of the hits.  Last night alone we played some Badfinger, “Eye in the Sky” by The Alan Parsons Project, “You Got Lucky” by Tom Petty, and we even popped our Three Dog Night cherry.  Speaking of Three Dog Night, did you know that lead singer Chuck  Negron had so much sex that his penis exploded?  This is not one of my many lies, it’s a true story.  Tell your friends.

Last weekend was the annual Beard Prom for Austin Facial Hair Club.  MLC played it last year and it was a goddamned blast and a half.  This year it was metal themed, which gave me an excuse to buy metal studded pleather shorts (photo proof below).  We were asked to play the prom and I really wished that MLC could have played, but metal is a little bit out of our wheelhouse, and we didn’t have enough time to prepare.  I made an EXCELLENT potential set list that included everything from Rainbow to Lita Ford and I issued a Music Learning Challenge to my band to learn at least two songs from the list I made this year.  It’s important to venture out your comfort zone, especially when your comfort zone is so damn smooth. The bands that did play the prom, StABBA and  Motörböat were great though.  You can’t beat an metal ABBA or Motörhead coverband, shit’s just too awesome.

It took Bridget, Margaret, and I about two hours to get ready, but it was worth it, because we looked like bad ass bitches.  It’s always good to have an Ozzy Osbourne shirt with the sleeves ripped off for special occasions.

Prom, bitches.

I said once and I’ll say it again, metal is hilarious

Good times.  Last month Truman also learned how to dip a chip, use his fork properly, and make fart sounds on command.  Also, we’ve been taking walks around the neighborhood because I am tired of my legs looking like glazed hams.  GOALS!  Man, I am excited for what the rest of 2013 will bring; hopefully more impromptu hot dog parties and maybe Truman will finally master riding a skateboard.  Smell y’all later. Listen to this Supremes cover of a Beatles song, it’s the tits.

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