Tag Archives: life

I May Be Dumb, But I Have Excellent Taste in Music


All right suckers, three more posts!  Tomorrow is the very last one, so I will let it stand alone.  It is much more dramatic that way.

Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures

I can’t follow instructions, so here are some photos of me being dumb!

This was taken in July.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Slut Dress

YUS!

Day 29, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post

I do this all the time anyway in lieu of writing an actual post.  Man, I looked at some of the other posts for this challenge, and some people have horrific taste in music.  I know it is all subjective, but I am right, and you are wrong.  I am just going to post some songs I’ve been digging lately.  THEY ~SPEAK~ TO ME.

Age of Consent-New Order.  Man, this song seems like it was created just for MLC to cover it.  It is so fucking good.  Damn.

Give Me Some Kind of Sign- Brenton Wood.  Everything about this so is great.  The lead vocals, the harmony, the organ solo.  All music should be this smooth.

Fist City- Loretta Lynn.  You better move your feet if you don’t want to eat a meal that’s called Fist City. I love her.

Tusk-Fleetwood Mac.  I’ve been listening to this song on repeat for the past few weeks now.  It is amazing and unique.  I am desperately in love with Lindsey Buckingham, so much so that Stevie will never be higher than my fourth favorite member of Fleetwood Mac because I am so jealous of her.  Never mind that he was a total dick, cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Blurred Lines- Robin Thicke featuring T.I., Pharrell.  I included this just to prove that I actually listen to songs from this decade.  This song is hot shit.  It replaced “Get Lucky” as my new summer jam.  I don’t even care if it is incredibly sexist.  It is fun as hell. If you like boobies, I highly recommend you check out the unrated version of the video.

It is pretty impressive that I managed to post 5 songs without even one David Bowie video.  See, I am growing as a person.

BONUS:  This is my favorite song to clean the house to.  I guess don’t listen to it at work or in front of people who don’t like the word fuck. ASAP Rocky is so dapper!

Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go

I guess this prompt is supposed to serve as therapy or something.  I will resist the urge to make this about bowel movements and try to BE LEGIT.  Looking at all of those pictures I just posted makes me realize that I need to “let go” of my former life.  I am a mother now, and I guess it’s time to grow up.  I can’t go to ALL of the parties my friends have, I can’t have improptu dance parties after the bars close, and I can’t get AS drunk in the middle of the day as I used to.  It’s hard, because it seems like a lot of  my friends are stuck in this state of permanent adolescence, and I want to go to Never Never Land with them. BUT NOOOOOO,  I HAVE OBLIGATIONS NOW.  C’est La Vie!  Growing up isn’t so bad, I will just take it little by little. I’m still going to have fun, and now a whole different kind of fun with my son.  But I’m telling you now, if I ever get to urge to do whippits and listen to Steely Dan, goddamit  I’m going to do it, and no one can stop me.



P.S. Y’all don’t know how difficult it was to talk about growing up while wearing a little boy’s shirt that I purchased at the Dollar General.

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I Ain’t Learned Nuffin’


So today’s topic is “things you’ve learned that school won’t teach you”.  FART.  School didn’t teach me anything.  The only thing I learned from school is that some Native Americans did something called “second harvest” where they dug through their poop to find undigested pieces of corn to eat.  I learned that in 7th grade Texas History but my husband thinks I made it up.  I mean duh, obviously I learned SOME things in school.  Hello, I am writing/typing RIGHT THIS SECOND.

Clearly, I am not really feeling this prompt.  So I will take the slacker way out and just make a list.

Letty’s School of Hard Knocks:

  • Not all drugs are not bad.  Some drugs are great, the key is MODERATION.
  • It is okay to wear denim on denim, do not fear the Canadian Tuxedo.
  • Moccasins are the shit.
  • Dry humping is awesome.
  • Don’t be afraid to say something stupid if you think it’s funny.  The most important thing is to amuse yourself.
  • Always carry lotion in your purse.
  • A smile, especially if you have dimples, can get you a lot.
  • Thrift stores are great.
  • Always, ALWAYS groom your eyebrows.  If your eyes are the windows to your soul, your eyebrows are the fucking curtains.
  • Listening to glam rock gives you a lot of confidence.
  • When in doubt, watch Rocky IV.

I could go on and on, because apparently, I am very sage.  With that, I am out.  Smell ya later.



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Just a Perfect Day.


It’s day 15 of Blog Every Day in May.  We’re half way done!  I honestly can’t believe I’ve stuck it out this long, because I LOOOVE quitting.  Today’s prompt is “A Day in the Life”.  I read the news today oh, boy.  I think I lead a pretty normal life.  Let me give you a rundown of how my days go.

I usually wake up around 8:30, looking lovely and ready to start the day.

I make sure to brush my teeth very thoroughly, nobody likes a dirty mouth!

Then I carefully apply an appropriate amount of makeup and admire my handwork in the mirror.

BOWIE1000-500x363

After that, it’s time for a healthy breakfast!

Then it’s off to work!  I am an excellent employee and I always get a lot of work done, and never slack off EVER.

After some hard labor, I enjoy lunch with a friend.

I usually only work until 3, after that I wander around HEB, Walgreens, or Target because I looooove to spend money I don’t have.

After I finish shopping, I pick up Truman and we go home and play in the backyard.

Then it is time for dinner.

After dinner, sometimes I will go out and have a drink or two with friends.

Then after a long day, I am ready to hit the sack and go to sleep.

It is exhausting being me sometimes.



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Whatzupwitu


So friends, it has been a while.  Life has been cray cray, and I’m pretty sure that a gypsy woman has put a hex on me.  Word of advice, don’t make direct eye contact with an old woman that has one milky eye.  IT’S A TRAP.  I have also seemed to anger the Electronics Gods, because nearly every electronic device that I own has gone kaput, including my home computer.   So, I haven’t broken up with you, I am just having a hard time right now.  It’s not you, IT’S ME.

At least I have things to keep me occupied, my Kindle still works, so I am able to read really terrible young adult novels and I have been CAST IN A PLAY!  I had just been thinking that I’d like to get back in acting, so I sent some vibes out to the universe and it complied.  I am doing the play Boom for Real with Paper Chairs and it is going to be spectacular.  It has a lot of wonderful, interesting movement and a goddamned dragon.  I get to play a villain and I get my own kick ass rock solo.  I am so excited I could pee.  I will keep y’all posted as we move along.  Let’s see, what else? OH OH! BZZT! IMPORTANT–Due to watching hours upon hours of Pretty Little Liars, I have decided to grow my hair out.  All of the girls on that show have such pretty long hair, and I am easily influenced.  Sorry Jean Seberg.

I have to go drink beer and eat pizza now, as it is Friday, so I am going to wrap this up.  These are the important things that are happening in my life in one waterfall jumble of words:

brunch

chad’s janky back

BOOM

movement

long red hair

truman walking

janky electronics

headbands with bows

terrible night sleep

moccasins

I will leave you with a picture of me eating a cinnamon roll at BRUNCH and a very important music video.  Love you, Love ME.

cinnamon roll

Are you are turned on as I am?

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Tuesday can suck a nut, y’all


Yes, yes it is Tuesday, and AGAIN I want to complain.  My god, what a shiteous day it’s been!  I am in a truly terribly mood.  The school I work at is having their big 4th of July program on Thursday, so all day I have to hear extremely grating versions of patriotic songs sung at top volume by 35 4-year-olds.  Because it is beyond absurd, the only upside to this deafening noise is hearing the kids sing:

If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I’d worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my children and my wife.

I am allowed to be annoyed by these screechy displays of patriotism because we all know that I am a patriot in my own right, being I’m best friends with Barack Obama and all.  Yesterday I was watching Stephen Fry in America, which is a really great show,  and I told Chad that I’d really like to visit Washington D.C..  Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure Secret Service has my picture on file and I will be tackled to the ground if I even attempt to enter the White House.

I don’t really understand how the small things in life irritate me so much more than the bigger catastrophes. For example, today I was losing my shit because somebody drank all the coffee at work, but last week was filled with much bigger ordeals and I handled them all with ~grace~.  The dog eating my paycheck was just too dumb to even be mad about, and having my credit card number stolen didn’t even make me break a sweat.   But having to help someone use the copy machine at work makes me want to shoryuken a hole in the ceiling. I do not care if shoryuken is not a verb, I am using it as one.

An artist’s portrayal of the author. SWEAT DROP, SWEAT DROP SWEAT DROP!

Soon soon soon I will get to go home and laze around with Truman and end this crapola work day.  But, by no means will it be quiet at my house.  His Granna bought Tru a toy drum that is filled with various percussion instruments and he loves to rattle and shake them.  For a 10 month old, he has a remarkable sense of rhythm.  I chalk it up to the variety of music we’ve exposed him to.  Bang a gong, son, bang a gong. He has taken to hitting the cat with his drumsticks, but luckily the cat likes it rough, so errybody is happy. Eventually Truman will pass out, exhausted from his percussive endeavors, and I can watch my third favorite cooking competition show, Masterchef, or as I like to call it–Mean Chef, Mean Chef, Fat Chef. I will leave you with this George Michael song that I can’t get out of my head. It’s vaguely patriotic, don’t you think?

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My Patented Closet Organizing System 3000


Are you an imbecile who likes to make life as difficult and complicated as possible?

Do you ever look in the mirror and say, “I sure do wish I could be more irritated with myself!”?

Do you enjoy arriving late for work or social functions looking frazzled and disheveled?

Then you need to follow Letty’s Personal Closet Organizing System, Version 3.0!

With my five point system, you can be beating your head against the wall in no time!

  • Step One:  Buy a  ton of eighties and nineties clothes from eBay, make sure they won’t fit you in a couple of years but are awesome enough that you will never want to get rid of them.  Bonus points if they are vintage concert t-shirts, but only for bands that you actually enjoy, DON’T FRONT.
  • Step Two:  Throw all of your clothes in pile on the floor of your closet.  Make a pathetic attempt to hang up a few items, but over several weeks wear the clothes from the hangers then add them to the pile, regardless of their cleanliness.
  •  Step Three: Ensure that your winter and summer clothes are all mixed up, so that when you are looking for a pair of jorts, you instead pull out 4 different sweatshirts with wildlife printed on them.
If you have them, toss in some maternity clothes.  It’s hilarious when your maternity jeans get tangled up with a pair that used to fit you three years ago.  Talk about contrasts! Try to make sure that the black cardigan you wear at least twice a week somehow gets lost in the vortex of clothing, so that when you’re ready to leave it will be nearly impossible to find.   This is also a great way to keep your loved ones waiting.  They love that!
  • Step Four: Take all of your shoes and throw them into a cardboard box and shove it in the dark recesses of your closet.  Put your practical shoes in the bottom of the box, and throw your various colored pumps, and paisley print Doc Martens on top.  Digging for shoes in the dark is fun!
  • Step Five: Buy more clothes.  Go to Forever 21, Old Navy, or Target and buy some cheap, trendy clothes.  If you don’t want to leave the house, order some from Delia*s as if you were still a fifteen-year-old girl.  Throw those clothes in the pile.  Of course you don’t have to don’t have to take off the tags first, you can do that later!

With my handy five point system, you can have your closet looking just like mine in no time:

Trapped in a Closet or DON’T JUDGE ME

Call today! No really, please call me.  I just changed my ringtone to the theme song from Taxi and I would love to hear that funky groove.

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