Tag Archives: me

I May Be Dumb, But I Have Excellent Taste in Music


All right suckers, three more posts!  Tomorrow is the very last one, so I will let it stand alone.  It is much more dramatic that way.

Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures

I can’t follow instructions, so here are some photos of me being dumb!

This was taken in July.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Slut Dress

YUS!

Day 29, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post

I do this all the time anyway in lieu of writing an actual post.  Man, I looked at some of the other posts for this challenge, and some people have horrific taste in music.  I know it is all subjective, but I am right, and you are wrong.  I am just going to post some songs I’ve been digging lately.  THEY ~SPEAK~ TO ME.

Age of Consent-New Order.  Man, this song seems like it was created just for MLC to cover it.  It is so fucking good.  Damn.

Give Me Some Kind of Sign- Brenton Wood.  Everything about this so is great.  The lead vocals, the harmony, the organ solo.  All music should be this smooth.

Fist City- Loretta Lynn.  You better move your feet if you don’t want to eat a meal that’s called Fist City. I love her.

Tusk-Fleetwood Mac.  I’ve been listening to this song on repeat for the past few weeks now.  It is amazing and unique.  I am desperately in love with Lindsey Buckingham, so much so that Stevie will never be higher than my fourth favorite member of Fleetwood Mac because I am so jealous of her.  Never mind that he was a total dick, cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Blurred Lines- Robin Thicke featuring T.I., Pharrell.  I included this just to prove that I actually listen to songs from this decade.  This song is hot shit.  It replaced “Get Lucky” as my new summer jam.  I don’t even care if it is incredibly sexist.  It is fun as hell. If you like boobies, I highly recommend you check out the unrated version of the video.

It is pretty impressive that I managed to post 5 songs without even one David Bowie video.  See, I am growing as a person.

BONUS:  This is my favorite song to clean the house to.  I guess don’t listen to it at work or in front of people who don’t like the word fuck. ASAP Rocky is so dapper!

Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go

I guess this prompt is supposed to serve as therapy or something.  I will resist the urge to make this about bowel movements and try to BE LEGIT.  Looking at all of those pictures I just posted makes me realize that I need to “let go” of my former life.  I am a mother now, and I guess it’s time to grow up.  I can’t go to ALL of the parties my friends have, I can’t have improptu dance parties after the bars close, and I can’t get AS drunk in the middle of the day as I used to.  It’s hard, because it seems like a lot of  my friends are stuck in this state of permanent adolescence, and I want to go to Never Never Land with them. BUT NOOOOOO,  I HAVE OBLIGATIONS NOW.  C’est La Vie!  Growing up isn’t so bad, I will just take it little by little. I’m still going to have fun, and now a whole different kind of fun with my son.  But I’m telling you now, if I ever get to urge to do whippits and listen to Steely Dan, goddamit  I’m going to do it, and no one can stop me.



P.S. Y’all don’t know how difficult it was to talk about growing up while wearing a little boy’s shirt that I purchased at the Dollar General.

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What do I do?


What don’t I do?  For somebody so lazy, I sure wear a lot of hats.  Let me just make a quick list, because I am hungry and I have some fish to cook.

I:

SING

JOKE

ACT

MOTHER

SMOTHER

COOK

DRINK

SMOKE

TEASE

PET

LISTEN

READ

WRITE

LAUGH

LIE

BRUNCH

INTERN

KICK

CONJURE

Now, I have to get going, that tilapia isn’t going to cook itself. To make up for this slacker post, here is a picture of my son Truman looking mad cute in a field of bluebonnets.

bluebonnets


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One Whole Year of Accomplishing NOTHING


Whoo hey y’all!  It’s my blogiversary!  This time last year I finally let my conceit take over and deluded myself into thinking that people actually wanted to read my crappy attempts at writing, and I was RIGHT.  You like me, you really like me. ::Sally Field voice::.  I am celebrating by having a huge giveaway.  SIKE.  I will never give away anything, unless you want an autographed photo of me wearing a neon jacket.

neon jacket

This could all be yours

This was the first post that I did a year ago.  Surprise, surprise, it’s about me being vain.  Nothing has changed in the past year really, though I have evolved from having Vanity Smurf be my role model. That is SOOOO 2012.  My new role model is Templeton from Charlotte’s Web.   Life is a smorgasbord, bitches.

Also, this guy.

Yes, an entire year has come and gone and I have accomplished very, very little.  Oddly, I am completely okay with this, because I am happy.  Fappy, even. I like my life, and I love my little family and friends.  I can’t really ask for much more.  Well, except for the unabashed admiration of my peers, an overwhelming and powerful beauty, and of course, all the riches of the world.

So, happy blogiversary to me!  Hopefully I’ll write this SAME exact post next year, but this time, FROM SPACE.  Here is some French pop music to listen to while you revel in my success.

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Whatzupwitu


So friends, it has been a while.  Life has been cray cray, and I’m pretty sure that a gypsy woman has put a hex on me.  Word of advice, don’t make direct eye contact with an old woman that has one milky eye.  IT’S A TRAP.  I have also seemed to anger the Electronics Gods, because nearly every electronic device that I own has gone kaput, including my home computer.   So, I haven’t broken up with you, I am just having a hard time right now.  It’s not you, IT’S ME.

At least I have things to keep me occupied, my Kindle still works, so I am able to read really terrible young adult novels and I have been CAST IN A PLAY!  I had just been thinking that I’d like to get back in acting, so I sent some vibes out to the universe and it complied.  I am doing the play Boom for Real with Paper Chairs and it is going to be spectacular.  It has a lot of wonderful, interesting movement and a goddamned dragon.  I get to play a villain and I get my own kick ass rock solo.  I am so excited I could pee.  I will keep y’all posted as we move along.  Let’s see, what else? OH OH! BZZT! IMPORTANT–Due to watching hours upon hours of Pretty Little Liars, I have decided to grow my hair out.  All of the girls on that show have such pretty long hair, and I am easily influenced.  Sorry Jean Seberg.

I have to go drink beer and eat pizza now, as it is Friday, so I am going to wrap this up.  These are the important things that are happening in my life in one waterfall jumble of words:

brunch

chad’s janky back

BOOM

movement

long red hair

truman walking

janky electronics

headbands with bows

terrible night sleep

moccasins

I will leave you with a picture of me eating a cinnamon roll at BRUNCH and a very important music video.  Love you, Love ME.

cinnamon roll

Are you are turned on as I am?

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Hindsight is Always 20/20- High School Edition


I have been doing a lot of reminiscing lately. Especially about high school, since I’ve been watching a gajillion teen shows for my new blog Thirtysometeen.  Oh, have you not checked out my new amazing blog?  It is hilarious.  We watch Degrassi so you don’t have to.  Anyways, I had a fine time in high school. It wasn’t great, it was just FINE, okay.  Like any reasonable person, I have a few regrets.  I wish I could pull a Never Been Kissed and go undercover as a high schooler for an investigative report, because I would the the HBIC up in that piece now.  But without further blathering, here are the top five regrets I have about high school.

1) I wish I listened to better music.

Now this is a problem that all young people have.  They just inherently have terrible taste in music.  But for god’s sake, I purchased a PAPA ROACH CD with my own (my parents’) money!  I was also really into 311 in high school.  I had not yet realized that all of their songs sounded exactly alike.  I liked 311 so much that I had videos of their concerts and would doodle their logo all over my notes.  I had a huge crush on the lead singer, Nick Hexum.  I am both impressed and ashamed that I remember his name.  A quick google image search just now totally validated my crush, because he is still pretty foxy. I also had a giant femboner for Brandon Boyd, the lead singer of Incubus.  All this is good and fine, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that I memorized all the lyrics to “Nookie”.  When I was writing this I immediately got this song in my head.  I apologize for what is to follow.

2) I wish I was nicer to my parents.

It’s not like I was MEAN to my parents.  But you know, just typical teenage behavior.  I was never disrespectful, just a little sulky. I could never even imagine being one of those kids who scream “MOM AND DAD I HATE YOU!” and slam the door to their room. I know I disappointed them by not living up to my potential.  I also came home drunk in the middle of the night on more than one occasion.   Y’all, that’s not cool.  I was a bad kid and my parents are great people.  I skipped school, failed classes, and stayed out all night.  I  just regret making my mom and dad worry about me, that’s all.

3) I wish that I had actually tried, even just a little bit.

Obviously, I am of above average intelligence.  Now, what would have become of me if I had applied myself, even just a teeny weeny bit, in high school? Would I be a successful Rocket Surgeon ?   Would I have been able to date Richard Branson instead of just working at his store?  Would I have finished community college in the expected two years instead of three?  Maybe I would’ve been the goddamned voice of my generation.  Who knows?  If I had actually went to class instead of hanging out at the Whataburger across the street or at largest swimming pool in Texas, all of the above may have been possible.

4) I wish that I was truer to myself

In high school I stifled my weird a bit.  I still blurted out non sequitors and corny jokes in class, much to the chagrin of the other students, but I didn’t really let my freak flag fly. I wish I had been even more out spoken, made even MORE terrible jokes, and wore a lot less Abercrombie & Fitch.  It wasn’t until right after I graduated, coincidentally (or not) when I met Chad, that I really came into my own.  I remember strutting around in my Iggy & the Stooges shirt and red cowboy boots and feeling unstoppable.  If I have had that much confidence in high school I probably would’ve been the literal queen of the school, and had minions to do my bidding.

5) I wish I had not lost my virginity to a guy that already had two girlfriends.

Whoa, TRUTH BOMB!  Losing my virginity was so unceremonious!  It was not with a boyfriend, or someone I even liked that much.  I did it indiscriminately because I wanted this guy to take me TO A SCHOOL DANCE.  Then, he didn’t even take me to the dance because HE ALREADY HAD TWO GIRLFRIENDS.  To make matters worse, or better I guess, at the time of my deflowering, I was drunk off Parrot Bay coconut rum and Big Red.  You may consider this to be TMI, but I see revealing this extremely personal information to be a sort of PSA to any young girls out there.  “Don’t lose your virginity to a guy just so he’ll take you to a dance. He already has two girlfriends.”  LIFE LESSONS.

Reminiscing period over.  I am spreading myself a bit thin lately with my numerous blogs, numerous you say?  I thought you just had two?  No, I have three, please check out my new hilarious parenting blog, Contractually Obligated, that I am co-writing with my amazingly funny friend, Lola.  I will still try to post on this one at least once a week.  I have much more personal information to reveal.

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New Summer Hair! or How to Terrify Your Baby


Oh hey guys, did I mention it’s summer?  If you couldn’t tell by the stifling heat outside,  the distinct aroma of  intermingling body odors, or if you don’t have a calendar, I am a valuable resource for you.  Anyway blahdeblee, it’s summer.  To celebrate my second to last favorite season, I decided I needed new summery hair.  My awesome friend Brian, a talented stylist, decided to HOOK ME UP.  The first iteration of my summer hair  left me with a few blondish streaks in my bang swoop.  It was what neither of us wanted.  Chad said that I either looked like an Asian college student from the early 2000’s or a gay Puerto Rican boy, both accurate assessments. Unfortunately I do not have any photographic proof of this chic look.

We decided to go for round two Monday night.  The first step involved applying bleach to my hair to get rid of the black.  Brian said a lot of sciency things about hydrogen bonds so I knew I was in good hands.  Do you remember the 90’s?  My bleached locks sure did.  I simultaneously looked the most Mexican I have ever looked and like an extra from Hackers.  Truman was TERRIFIED.  He took one look at me with yellow hair and his eyes grew wide(r),  his little bottom lip started quivering, and he burst out in tears.  He wouldn’t even let me hold him.  I had to put on a hat, it did not fool him. I then tried nursing him to calm him down. At first he started suckling voraciously, but then he stopped. He glanced up at me cautiously, then tentatively started to nurse again unsure if I was actually his mother or a blond she-demon.  He eventually decided on the latter, used all of his baby might to squirm away from me as if my skin was on fire, and howled at the top of his lungs.  Who could blame him really?

I am applying purple lipstick in this photo. ~~MI VIDA LOCA~~

Luckily, this was only temporary.  Brian applied a café au lait color to my hair with rich honey tones and in the end everyone, including Truman, was happy.  It is bit lighter than it looks in the picture and  I am still getting adjusted to it, but I like it! I’ve never lightened my hair before but I figured, what the hell.  Come fall I will return to a darker, more subdued color, but for now it’s all about being light and summery.

For the record, I still look like a gay Puerto Rican boy.

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Hands


This was a difficult challenge for me, as I don’t take pictures of my hands because they always end up looking  fat and stubby.  That is a lie, my hands are tiny balls of grace and beauty.

This is my current Facebook photo. Classic finger to lip, ingenue, look at me pose.

This is a fairly accurate depiction of me.

hands on a horse

baby hand, daddy hand

Tiny tiny baby Truman discovers his hands

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Sun


Weekly Photo Challenge: Sun

Blinded by the Light” is truly a song of majestic wonder.

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