You may have noticed that there is a jump from Day 2, to Day 5. Well, Day 3 & Day 4’s prompt was a combo entitled, “Cook a Thing. Do or Do Not..there is no Try.” I didn’t cook a damn thing all weekend, I didn’t even try. Instead, last night I ate a Taco Bell soft taco while waiting in the drive-thru of Long John Silvers, drunk off the entire bottle of Prosecco I downed at kickball. SUNDAY FUNDAYS! I take really good care of my family, y’all.
Today’s prompt is Monday’s Are For Bitching, well actually it says Mondays are For B@#tching, but I never censor myself. Fuck that. HI GRANDMA! Everyday is for bitching as far as I’m concerned. But, Tuesdays are my favorite day to complain. I have made the joke, “TUESDAY, more like BOOsday, AMIRITE?” several times over the course of my life. I am using the term joke very loosely here. I am trying to channel Garfield and get in the I HATE MONDAYS spirit, but it’s difficult as I am coming off a pretty solid weekend. Perhaps this picture will help.
It helped a little. Thus far I have had a pretty good day. I was only moderately annoyed at work, and I consider that to be a huge success. But there are always things to bitch about. THE DAY I STOP BITCHING IS THE DAY I DIE. There is always something to complain about in the mornings. Like this morning, I was almost thirty minutes late to work, just because I was dragging ass, and then right when I was on the way out the door I had to poop. Why does my body continue to betray me will ill timed poops? Talk about Benebutt Arnold. Traitor. I hadn’t even had coffee yet.
Another thing that REALLY pisses me off is I encounter like 50 million 4-Way stops on my way to work. PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO OPERATE 4-WAY STOPS, MAN. It’s like their brain seeps out their ears when they pull up to the damn stop sign. YOU CLEARLY GOT THERE FIRST, GO. JUST GO, ALREADY. Oh god, and if they try to wave me ahead when it’s not my turn like I’M THE DUMB ONE, that really makes me go full berserker. Then there are the people who decide to start going when I am already like half way in the middle of the intersection. WHAT IS THAT, EVEN? 4-Way stops really make me wish I was Gambit so I could whip a playing card out the driver’s side window and make the other person’s car explode. There should be some sort of mechanism in cars that when the driver improperly operates a 4-Way stop, angry bees swarm out of the vents and assail the driver. 4-WAY STOPS REALLY GET ME GOING! Sorry, if I’m all aggro. The bridge from Electric Funeral is being played really loud right now, and Black Sabbath always gets me all excited.
So, that is my bitching. My own body/poop and 4-Way stops is what I chose to bitch about today. HMMMPH. Now you have a small glimpse of what it’s like to hang out with me. Let’s be best friends.