Tag Archives: vacation

Terrible Things are Happening in the World, So I’m Going to Complain About a Skirt.


I’m back!  I just needed to take a brief hiatus so I could collect my thoughts, reevaluate my life, and do some real soul searching. PFFFFFFFFT   Yeah right, I squandered these last few months watching  Duran Duran videos all by myself.  That is only a slight exaggeration. While I did spend an inordinate amount of time ogling Duran Duran, a lots of things happened these past few months.

Let’s see!  I got a tattoo.  It is a seagull loteria card, and it’s rad, and it didn’t hurt, and I still like to stare at it and rub it lovingly.  My parents do not like it, but they have begrudgingly accepted it.  I mean they have to, as I am a 31 year old woman (Oh yeah!  I forgot!  I had a Soft Rock birthday since my last post.  I am year older now!  Listen to this playlist! Seriously listen to it, it is so good.)

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~TRASH BIRD FOR LIFE~

Anyway, I am a 31 year old woman and I can tattoo whatever creatures on my body that I want, AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME.  The only one of my family members that likes my seagull is my oldest sister Lisa.  My other sister Erica laments that it is too large and that when I wear formal gowns it will look declasse.  This is a pretty valid concern though, because I am constantly going to balls and galas, et al. Not a weekend goes by where I am not at the Governor’s Mansion or a high school dance.  My favorite reaction was from my mother, who said, “People always asked me if I ever thought  you’d get a tattoo, and I always said no.  You’ve made me a liar.”  HAAAAAAA! SO DRAMATIC.

Y’all, Truman turned two!  WHAT?!?  We celebrated by doing a whole shit ton of nothing, but he had a great day anyway.   Almost everyday is a great day when you’re two years old.  He is growing and developing!  He is talking more every day and has started Spanish lessons.  His teacher said he is very attentive and makes attempts to say the words.  I am proud of that little bugger!

Just look at that little scamp.

Just look at this little scamp.

We didn’t really do anything for Truman’s birthday because we went on a family vacation a couple days later.  Or, rather, we intended too.  First we had to deal with The Great Evans Passport Debacle of 2013.  I don’t really feel like talking about it, because I am still pissed about it, but I will give you the gist.  We were all packed and ready to leave, when the night before we couldn’t find our passports.  The only passport we could find was Truman’s.  We turned our filthy house upside to find those bastards.  To this goddamned day I do not know where our original passports are.   It was quite the ordeal.  I would like to thank my parents, Expedia, and the Houston Passport Agency for getting us to Mexico.  ::round of angry yet enthusiastic applause::

Mexico was awesome.  Duh.  We went to an all-inclusive resort.  Nothing too exciting, but excellent all the same.  It was mad chill.  I went zip-lining, snorkeling, and ate at buffets a lot.  I got sick twice! I also managed to skin both of my elbows on a water slide.  So you know, memories that will last a life time.  Really though, I had a lovely time with my family and Truman loved every minute of it.

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But let’s get to the real reason I came here–to complain about something really trifling.  I am sorry, just HAVE to bitch about this.  Right then, so let the bitching commence!  Okay, so I had based my entire fall/winter look on this one black skirt, and had already bought shirts to complement it and everything. I even got my hair cut based around this fucking skirt.  I was planning for a 60’s French girly tomboy look, like my all time fashion icon, Jean Seberg.  It gave me a super valid excuse to buy even more stripey Bretonesque shirts.  It was going to be a welcome change from my scruffy summer look of jorts and t-shirts.

Who wouldn’t want to emulate her?

Anyway, so I go to Target yesterday to buy said skirt, and I CAN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE.  It’s like it NEVER EXISTED.  But, I know that it wasn’t a figmentof my imagination because I had previously purchased the same skirt in grey.  Why did I buy it in grey, instead of the more useful black?  I don’t know, because I am dumb.

This skirt is described as short and flippy, and that is just what I had in mind.  I imagined myself in my little black flippy skirt and stripey shirt, skipping down the sidewalk, carrying a picnic basket, and wearing a giant bow on my head.  I was to be the cutest bitch since Marlo Thomas in That Girl. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooO, Target screwed me over! I still managed to spend almost $100 dollars yesterday, because in a fit of madness I purchased, this, and some other random shit.

I know know, it is seriously the lamest thing to be mad about ever.  Especially since it is just a basic black skater skirt that you can get almost anywhere. They are very popular this season.  Since I started writing this, I have already found several adequate replacements.  I even found a stripey one, and a flirty lil’ denim one. It took me literally five minutes to find all of these skirts.  I spent more time moping about the stupid thing than I did googling it.  IN CLOSING, I am going to be so cute this fall y’all!  Everything is fine and wonderful!  The world is great!  I will try to start writing more!  Here is an entire episode of Charmed Lives, a Who’s the Boss spin-off featuring Fran Drescher.  Enjoy!

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Ah yes, I made it. I am 30.


So this half assed retrospective was a success!  I looked back fondly on my twenties.  They were pretty chill!  Of course there were low points, but no one has a perfect ten years. This brings me to my late twenties. I feel like I really came into my own in this time. I blossomed into the ~beautiful flower~ that I am now.  I certainly stopped giving a shit about what people thought about me and basically said/did whatever I wanted.  I am truly a NO LIMIT SOLDIER. ::rolls eyes::

I had the opportunity to travel.  I went to Spain with my family which apparently there is no photographic proof of,  and also went  on a ladies’ road trip to Taos with my befri Keri, and my good friend Erin.  We dubbed ourselves the Ladies of the White Sands and almost got our car stuck in a mud puddle in the middle of nowhere.  We also went hiking up a mountain and I complained the entire time because, “I didn’t know it was going to be uphill.” I am a sharp one.

Around this time I also started playing with Music Learning Club.  I love singing, and I love these fools.  I consider them to be my second family.

Lavender finery

Here we are playing “You Can’t Hurry Love”.  My parents watched this video and made fun of how dramatic I was.  Little did they know that this was only our first song and I got a whole lot more unhinged.  I am the David Lee Roth of MLC, y’all.

Now in my late twenties not only was I overflowing with obvious musical talent, but I possessed extraordinary athletic ability as well.  Every Sunday I started playing kickball.  I met a lot of wonderful people and drank a lot of beer.  The following photo exemplifies my kickball talents:

There are things happening, and I am just standing there.

Kickball Fambly

Of course, of course we cannot discuss my late twenties without talking about the most important thing that happened–I started coloring my hair red. SIKE! Chad put a beautiful baby in my belly!  I had a really smooth pregnancy and was, by my own admission, THE MOST ADORABLE PREGNANT WOMAN IN THE WORLD. I love my little family so much and at the risk of sounding mega cheesy, I feel incredibly lucky and count my blessings every single day.

HE HATES THESE GOURDS

Awwww.  Anyway, today I am thirty.  My ass instantly feels bigger and my boobs saggier.  I jest, I jest.  I feel fine. Due to melanin and great genes, I AM NEVER GOING TO AGE.  The women in my family are blessed.   The only thing I am concerned about  is  I have a deep wrinkle between my eyebrows because I am constantly cringing in disgust at everything.  Maybe one of my goals for my third decade of life to become less JJJJ-ADED.  Nah.  I’ll just continue to judge the world as I see fit and get botox. It is also my dad’s birthday today.  It has always made me feel special to share a birthday with my father.  Happy Birthday Dad!

Buh, since this post is long enough, I will post jokes and pictures from my roast tomorrow. Hooray me! Hooray 30!  Oh, also I am starting a new blog with my friend Kolleen, called Thirtysometeen, in which we watch teen melodramas and discuss them at length.  It will be chock  full of pithy commentary!  I can’t wait.

Here are some bonus pictures!

Disney Princesses

I always have the best Halloween costumes, a tradition I am going to force upon Truman.

JUKEBOX HERO.

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Dreaming


This is a picture of me on my honeymoon on the Mayan Riviera.  It doesn’t exactly fit the theme, as you were supposed to use a long exposure shot, but I can tell you I was day dreaming in this photo.  I was daydreaming of what was to come and starting a new chapter in my young life.  Marriage, moving to Los Angeles, adventures!  Now I am daydreaming of going back there.  I need a vacation y’all.

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I also submit this photo of what I really daydream about, FLIONS.

I have really good photoshop skillz.

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