Tag Archives: writing

Play in May! Day 1: Why I Write


All right, so I haven’t written anything here in a while.  They last thing I gave you were Willow themed valentines, which are amazing, and more than a worthy gift.  Apparently the only way I will write is when prompted, so I have joined up with Shelley at Slightly Off Kilter and Evin at Food Good Laundry Bad, to Play in May.  Just like last year, I will attempt to write every day.  You have all been truly blessed, yet again.

So today’s prompt is, Why I Write.  It’s just like these broads to kick it off with a hard one.  I am not entirely sure why I write.  Clearly, I don’t.  I think I write for the same reason everyone does, because I am a really interesting person and everyone should listen to what I have to say.  I am just a goddamn delight.  I am intelligent, funny, and can ramble on about a variety of topics.  I HAVE OPINIONS DAMMIT.  So, that is one reason I write, because I deserve to.

Another reason I write is to spite.  (I get bonus points for rhyming) There are so many fake, piece of crap, wannabe Gwyneth Paltrows out there, SOMEBODY has to battle them.  Bitch, you ain’t Elizabeth Gilbert, and this ain’t Eat, Pray, Love. You can eat, pray, SUCK MY BUTT, amirite? Sometimes, even I can’t believe how mature and thoughtful I can be.  This is why it is imperative that I write and share my magnificent insights with the ~world~.

I also write because I read.  Or rather, that’s my intention.  I am constantly reading things, then thinking, “Well, I could do that.” But, of course, I can’t and I don’t, because I lack initiative. On the flip side, I like when I read something and am blown away by it.  I’ve recently read several books by author, Rainbow Rowell, and she just knocks it out of the park every single time.  I don’t know how to do that.  I don’t even know how to start.  Maybe someday, if I make even the slightest effort, I could figure it out.  For now I will just eat Lean Pockets and watch tattoo reality competitions because that’s what makes me momentarily happy.

For the month of May, I will write everyday.  At the end of the month,  I will feel proud and inspired, and maybe (probably not) I will do something with that temporary motivation.  In any case let’s Play in May, bitches.   Here is a Police video your viewing pleasure!

Axis of Ineptitude
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Leticia, the Life Story in 250 Words.


And so we we begin.

Leticia emerged from her vestigial cocoon as any normal girl would, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and ready fuck shit up.  She had a lovely childhood, filled with love and MTV, and enjoyed her family– mother, father, and  two sisters, very much. Her first crush was on Disney’s animated Robin Hood.  Yes, the fox. She also fancied Alex P. Keaton.  Years passed and Leticia blossomed into a beautiful young woman.  She had no issues with confidence and also suffered from delusions of grandeur.  In general, she was well regarded by the public.  On a day appointed by the gods, Leticia met a mate worthy of her attention.  Chad was blond, handsome, and widely considered to be funny.  After a traditional marriage ceremony, the couple moved to Los Angeles.  Here Leticia was mistaken for a prostitute twice, and once sold a copy of  Starsky & Hutch: Season One to a musical artist named Morrissey. After moving to Austin, they produced one child, a boy they dubbed Truman.  The boy was a perfect conglomeration of Chad and Leticia.  He went on to do many good things, many good things indeed.  Leticia was a talented singer and well versed in the cinematic feast, Rocky IV.   Alas, she met her demise after being trampled to death recording a bootleg at a Tommy Tutone reunion concert.  In honor of her death, Tommy Tutone temporarily changed the song to “867-5309/Letty” and said, “Fuck Jenny, she never returned my call.” Leticia will always be remembered for ‘dat ass.

THE END.

When they study me in Android School that is what they are going to have to memorize for the test.  When?  IN THE YEAR 2525 BITCHES!



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I Am a Glutton for Punishment


I have been neglecting this blog a bit lately, and I believe Bad Girls Club is completely to blame. Well, BGC is over (I am totes Team Rocky), and it is time to whip my ass into shape and actually type some shit.  I am taking the Blog Everyday in May Challenge issued by Jenni over at The Story of My Life.  Everyday there is a different prompt and she just wants you to write it out, just like creative writing class!  Thank goodness there are prompts, because lately I have exerted all my creative energy on drinking beer.



So join me all this month, I am sure to write something dumb! I mean something beautiful and full of great meaning.

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